A friend asked me how I could possibly be writing about coming out and being a lesbian without talking about sex? Isn't that the whole point, she asked? Well, not totally, there is more to it than that but...fine.
Let me first, just start by saying I have nothing against men, I think they are great and I have never had a horrible experience as far as sex goes with men, it was never just really that great. If you are reading this and are gay, of course, you probably know what I mean.
The only thing I can think to compare it to is a ride at the fair. I cannot remember what it is called, but you know the one where you go into the round room? They close the door and the room starts to spin, the floor falls away and you are suspended up against the wall?
Light headed, dizzy, breathless, kind of like you let go of your control and just let it take you where it needs to go? The only difference between the ride at the fair and sex with a girl is, I threw up my hot dog and cotton candy after the it was over at the fairgrounds...after sex with a girl, I felt like Rocky running up the steps in Philly..Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!!!!!!
Ok, I know I am being kind of glib, but when you really think about it sex is funny, hilarious even.. If you cannot laugh at yourself and have fun with it, what is the point? If you are not having fun with whoever you are sleeping with you need to find someone else. I am not saying that I do not appreciate white hot, intense, tear the bedroom apart sex (big fan!), or the sweet I am so in love with you sex, but for the most part it should just be fun, and it always does not have to mean anything, it is what it is...
I do not have all of the experience in the world, but I understand that in many lesbian relationships there is a role, top, bottom, ag, pillow princess, etc. but I do not know if I could do the same thing every night. With a man, I had never experienced the freedom and versatility that I did with a female. There was a comfort level and connection there that was just so different. It all goes back to just letting it take you where it needs to go and it kind of takes on a life of its own- you can be whatever your partner wants or needs you to be that particular time and vice versa. That is where the fun comes in...
So yes, everyone just needs to lighten up and have fun, but I also think there is no excuse for being bad in bed. Do your homework, find out what your partner needs or wants and let yours be known too. Don't be lazy! For petes sake, even if you do not like porn (it is gross, it exploits women, whatever!) at least watch one for its educational purposes, after all, they are professionals...
