I remember watching an episode of Will and Grace, where Grace says "I could never be a lesbian, I am too lazy, most of the time I just like to lay there". I know she meant sex, but I think this applies in other areas for me.
I do think, other than the average views of society, and the obvious physical reasons, that men and women are made to be together in some aspects. Or maybe we are all just taught this from the day we are born. Men are so easy and women are so complicated. If a man lets his hand linger on the small of your back, sits close, makes eye contact or calls you a affectionate name you know he is at least somewhat interested. When you dance, you know he is going to lead and pull you close. Your role is clearly defined.
Women do all of this with their friends, their buddies, people they have no interest in dating or sleeping with. I know, because I do it, and most of my friends do it. We hug each other, kiss each other, dance together, call each other sweetheart and baby..
But in casual conversation, in social situations how can you be sure if someone is genuinely interested or are they are just being a girl? I know I sometimes seem kind of stiff and out of time, if someone is affectionate with me or asks me to dance. What if I hold their gaze too long or squeeze them a little too tight or get a little too close when we dance? Will they take it the wrong way? I mean I KNOW when a certain line has been crossed, but with women there are all of these small things that could be taken either way by either party.
For instance, girls have flirted with me, but unless they were really obvious, I thought they were just being nice. That is until my friends would say "hello, idiot, they were flirting with you and you just blew them off". Oops. I am my own worst dating enemy! There have been people I was just being nice to who thought I was flirting with them (not!) and people I thought I was really flirting with and they just think I am being nice! It is very strange, when I am alone with someone, I have absolutely no problem with this..it is just that initial thing...
I have come to the realization that I just need to cut myself some slack- I am so comfortable and confident with men, but I have to also understand that came from many years of practice... And many doomed relationships, because my heart just was not in it.
Is there a manual for this? I feel like I am back at the 6th grade dance, arms straight out, hands on the shoulders of your dance partner, shuffling back and forth. I was curious, so in the spirit of "Heathers" I conducted my own informal lunch time poll. Who leads when you dance with a girl? Four out of the five girls I asked, who by the way have been at this much longer than I, just kind of got this strange look on their face and said, "I am not really sure, I guess it just depends". I do not feel so bad after all...
