I am a female, living in the South and at 42 I feel like I am starting all over again and just waking up from a dream of someone else's life. I have always tried to do the right thing, be polite, always put others before yourself, realize how the things you do with your life affects the people around you, always hold yourself to a higher standard. I.E. strive for perfection and even if you do not achieve it at least you almost killed yourself trying. I am not sure where I got all of this pressure from- maybe I put it on myself- but I am far from perfect. I am not an overachiever, I am actually quite average in most respects.
I have been living a double life for as long as I can remember, at 21, married the "on the fast track" yuppie type, had long term relationships after my short marriage with wonderful, smart, funny men, had the right career (which is the one thing in my life that I have worked so hard at and am proud of), the right friends from good families, it goes on and on. So to the outside world I have it together, successful for all practical purposes. But in my other life, the one I have decided to accept FINALLY after all of these years, is that I am gay. The sad truth is that I had all of this figured out about 25 years ago- I just tried to ignore it. I have wasted half of my life and am now starting over. I am sure my story is no different from the million of stories of people before me. It is scary and exciting all at one time so what is to come, only time will tell...
"No one told you when to run, you've missed the starting gun". Pink Floyd
