Mama told me there would be days like this... well I am sure the topic was not really what she had in mind...It seems that I have been in kind of a funk since Christmas, everything was so different this year, and even more so now. I was so confident and ready to take on the world. I had finally made my decision as to how I wanted to live my life and I am still confident in that decision, that does not waiver. However, sometimes I feel it is one step up and two steps back.
I seem to be having a problem finding my place, maybe I am expecting too much to fast, like I was expecting everything to just fall into place. This is such a huge change, I really have nothing in common with the few straight friends I have from the old days, even though my family did not disown me or anything, things have definitely changed there. I wish I could just talk to someone about this without feeling like a total idiot. How do you start that conversation? Help I am freaking out! I just want to ask, does everyone go through this? Did you have to pretty much change your whole life, your friends, was anything ever the same with your family again? I think it would just do me a world of good for someone to just laugh with me and say, you are not crazy, this is normal, everything is going to be fine, don't sweat it!
You can spend all of the time in the world trying to prepare yourself, think of fifty different scenarios of how all of this is going to go down, but like many things, until you are actually going through it, you just do not know.
It seemed like I had everything figured out and there are some days, like today, when I feel like I am starting from zero and clueless. Like I have built this house of cards and I have the final one that is going to complete it, I go to put it on top and the whole thing collapses, and there I am starting over. Holding the one card, wondering what happened to the rest that I spent so much time and care putting into place...
